Dammit, We Can't Have Nice Things

Facebook of the Gods

abba92 — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:25:21 +0000

Never leave your PC unlocked in public

What Not to Say at a Baby Shower

abba92 — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:00:28 +0000

Baby Shower

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Atom Originals | Great Moments in Human Interaction

Please Watch This

abba92 — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:19:52 +0000

A plea for reason.

OH JOY!

abba92 — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:54:21 +0000

GLEE!

I love my new president. He’s sparkly.

I’m a happy guy. That is all.

Conversations with Mom – Shake Your Groove Thang Edition

abba92 — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:47:31 +0000

History: Mom watches the Game Show Network ’round the clock during weekdays. They have a contest where, if they call you and you answer the pop culture trivia question, you win a prize.

Jim (picks up phone at work): This is Jim

Mom: Can you talk a minute?

Jim: Sure. What’s up?

Mom: In the 70’s, there was a song, “The Hustle” and something about a booty. Who was that?

Jim: Who was what?

Mom: The Hustle and something about a booty.

Jim: “The Hustle” was Van McCoy but I don’t know what you’re talking about with “the booty”

Mom: That’s what a black man calls an ass.

Jim: I KNOW what it IS, I just don’t know any 70’s song related to “The Hustle” that has anything to do with a booty.

Mom: They said it starts with a “D”.

Jim: ……..

Mom: Never mind.

Conversations with Mom – Psychiatric Edition

abba92 — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:00:14 +0000

Mom: You know, Lyda now has phneumonia – and still has mono!

Jim: Is she still staying with her Grandma?

Mom: Yes…and you know what *I* think?

Jim: There’s no telling.

Mom (putting her face to Jim’s, smiling a sarcastic smile and an air of confidence): I think Dorothea [ed. note - The Grandmother] has Munchy disease!

Jim: Has what?

Mom: Munchy disease. By Proxy.

Jim: Do you mean Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy?

Mom: Yeah! That one!

Jim (rolls eyes)

Mom: What was that again? Munch-house?

Need to Unwind?

abba92 — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:38:03 +0000

I have this thing I do….

Conversations with Mom – Jeanne Dixon Edition

abba92 — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:14:42 +0000

Mom: I talked to your Aunt Louise today.

Jim: Oh? And how is she?

Mom: She’s fine but she thinks her daughter is on drugs. I think so too – she’s nothing but skin and bone.

Jim: Have you actually SEEN her in the past 10 years?

Mom: No, but I know she is. That girl’s crazy. They need to put her in the psychic ward.

Jim: You mean the psychiatric ward?

Mom: No, the psychic ward. She’s crazy.

Jim (smiling): I’ll bet she’ll know that’s going to happen.

Mom: Nah…she’s crazy, not psychic.

Conversations with Connie – Geography Edition

abba92 — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 15:16:44 +0000

Mom, The Boy and Connie

My sister Connie (on the right, looking like an extra from “Kill Bill”) is one of those people who say hilarious things without necessarily thinking about them. Her comic timing is impecable. The following conversation from 2006(?) is a good example:

Jim: (talking about someone who is rather rude) What a dill-hole.

Connie: You know what dill-hole is, right?

Jim: I shudder to ask, but what?

Connie: A place to park your pickle.

Jim: AH HA HA HA HA! (pees a little)

Our Brush With Fame

abba92 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:09:34 +0000

Today in Leavenworth my sister, Mom and The Boy were having lunch at King Ludwig’s and a very famous internet celebrity joined us.

Aren’t they all adorable? Mom’s not in this photo – she refused to leave the end of the table.